11 Steps For The Day After The Election

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This morning I awoke to emails and social media filled with anxiety, sadness, fear and panic. Undoubtedly, half the country was waking with some level of excitement. Whenever we notice fear, anxiety, etc. present, they are priceless clues that we are experiencing an inner state that needs help. Most often, we tend to see the problem or solution "out there." When we do this, we are missing the real problem and solution and also disempower ourselves from taking the action we most need. Here are 11 steps to consider this morning...and with any time we experience upset.

1. Stay in this moment – not in the fear of tomorrow. Breath this breath. Handle today. Drive the kids to school today. Teach today’s class. Show up for others today.
2. Be aware of the stories: we get upset not by circumstances but by our stories of the circumstances – “The world is going to implode.” “This will be awful.” “Hate will rule.” Do we know those are true? Ditch the disempowering and fear-based stories and create stories we want to live into "This is ultimately going to lead to the change I seek - albeit in an unexpected way."
3. Accept reality: while we may be in shock, panic or disbelief, it is empowering to acknowledge reality: “Trump won. That happened. I am still alive and I am going to get on with living and creating the life I seek and the world I want.” Resistance of reality is disempowering and exhausting. Let's get on with changing the current reality to one we more seek.
4. Stay focused on what we want (Unity? Peace? Respect? Safety? Love?) vs. what we don’t want (divisiveness, fear, closing our hearts, etc.)
5. See the mirror: what we likely are feeling now (Fear, Hopelessness, Helplessness, Hate/Dislike, Mistrust) is exactly what the voters of Trump have said they have been feeling for many years. So perhaps this can bring an acknowledgement of a shared human experience we have with "the other side." We are all humans dealing with very tough emotions. So how might we work with these emotions in a positive and constructive way?
6. Start within - Be what we seek: Be love, peace, respect, and trust now this moment. Do we really want the solution or our life raft “out there” in a person or government? Be what we seek in our leaders. They are a reflection of us so let’s work on being this so our next leader will emerge from these qualities we embody.
7. See the bigger arc of life and human history: While this is a major event it is only one event in a longer, greater unfolding story.
8. Embrace this reminder that we are not in control: while we can and should be fully engaged with helping to create positive change, this is a reminder that life happens regardless of our plans: the loss of a loved one, the unexpected diagnosis of cancer, a failed relationship - and an unexpected election. This is a painful reminder of our misguided attempt to “put all of the puzzle pieces in place” in life so that we can be _______ (happy, feeling safe, etc.)
9. Connect to something much bigger than a politician: what is your doorway to something bigger? Is it turning off the media and getting into the woods? Meditating? Connecting with the Divine? All of those things eclipse any election or event.
10. Take action: we don’t need to wait for the candidate or policy we desire. Take action today toward what we might most want – tolerance, helping the disenfranchised, ensuring equality, etc. Do one act of service today - it's a great tonic.
11. Love: In the end, we know this is what it all comes down to - Love. Love what is in front of us in this moment, love our kids, love our neighbors, be love as we go through life…and eventually (when we are ready) love those who we might see as our enemies.

Be...don't try to become

Too often, goals are kept "out there" in the future. Unwittingly, they can be things that we "work on." Yet are we willing to BE what we seek in this moment? If I strive to be a great leader, am I willing to show up as that leader today? Now?

Today's experiment: In the pursuit of attaining or becoming, we may forget that what we seek can only be experienced in a present moment. BE what you seek right now in this moment.

Starve Your Distractions. Feed Your Focus.

Today's experiment: Of your task list of 20 things today, what are the top 3? Are you willing to a) commit to them (vs. "I'll try), b) ideally do them first (yes, before email and FB) and c) say "no" to the easy 15 "will only take 5 minutes" distractions (that give the momentary dopamine rush yet leave you at the end of the day with just another busy day)? Enjoy!

Wisdom of "The Cat Lady" in Life & Work

Insight

Everyone has one: "The Neighbor." For our street, "The Neighbor" is a woman known as "The Cat Lady." A couple of years ago it came to light that she had been trapping the neighborhood cats for years. No one knew this though she made it clear that she hated cats. One day one of our two cats went missing. Thinking our cat was lost or taken in by a kind neighbor, we discovered too late that The Cat Lady had trapped our cat, called animal control and it was adopted out before we put 2 and 2 together. A very, very sad event for our kids.
cat chaser
We then discovered that she had trapped many of the neighborhood cats over the years and had them sent to the shelter - often to shortened lives. We tried all types of incentives and disincentives for our remaining cat to not wander into her overgrown front yard to nap, but it was almost like a magnet drew him there - as well as all the neighborhood cats. She would openly yell and rant and rave to the neighbors about all the cats and ended up isolating herself in her resistance to cats.

Then, about six months ago out of the blue, she started being nice. She began greeting neighbors, stopping to talk and not paying any attention to the cats. And guess what? The cats stopped coming into her yard! As if it was as clear as throwing a switch, when she turned off her resistance, the "problem" suddenly disappeared. How does that truism of "what you resist persists" so often (if not always) work?

Action

What is your "critter in your garden?" What is that thing that you've found yourself resisting or fighting off? Perhaps it's a health condition...or email overload..."not enough time"...a co-worker or other relationship...the state of the world...or the weather. If you have been resisting it, what's been the result of this strategy of resistance - both on you as well as "the problem?" Is it working?

When we are able to first "be with" whatever it is we resist, we do a few things:
• We are able to respond from presence and clarity vs. anxiety, stress (and other non-fun and ineffective states of being)
• We find our inner ability and strength to be with what is vs. unwittingly giving our power to this outer thing. The "power" shifts from the "problem" to within us.
• We stop "feeding" the problem and start feeding what it is that we want
• We instead focus on those things that give us inspiration and vitality and that, as a result, begin to diminish this other thing
• We get clear what the "right action" is - if anything

At some point I decided to give up trying to control email. While I have a system and strategy, the shift came when I simply started focusing on those things that I am passionate about and that make a difference. Only after focusing on those tasks would I even check email. While it hasn't gone away, it takes so much less of my attention and energy. I've allowed it to wither while feeding what feeds me.

I'd love to hear what your "critter in the garden" is and the results of your willingness to shift beyond resistance.

Enjoy!